Sometimes life just seems to overwhelming. The people my life that I care so very much about , are the ones who cause the most sadness, the most hurt..
I spent time with my grandma today, and it just sunk in.
She is the same person, the same babbling grandma I have always loved... But today, after spending a few hours with her it just hit me with a deep sadness. In between her chatter or random things, she would be stricken with dizziness, or nausea and then her conversation and her attitude would change to talk about her sleeplessness or the chemo starting next week.
There was no way for me to ignore it, to feels as though she is going to be well when she is sitting right next to me and I can see the difference.
Sad does not really describe how I have felt today since walking back with her to her house. It is like some sort of empty raw, emotion that I haven't experienced. It makes me want to take the easiest way around it, to distant myself, to ignore and pretend that it isn't so..
I didn't even get a picture of us together today.
To my Aunts who are helping her, you are both very strong women to be able to overcome this every day that you see her.